Hello this is me !
This page is to allow you to get to know me, and my recovery journey. Hopefully it will give an insight of how mental health issues can be lived with, and how you can achieve anything you put your mind to if you choose to do so.
Jennifer Reeds’ Story of recovery.
My recovery journey took eight years with a number of psychologists and no medication. It has been a journey of recovery from complex trauma that spanned a period of thirty-four years. During the recovery I experienced a wide range of mental health issues from; Suicidal thoughts, verbal schizophrenia, re-traumatisation, victimisation, dehumanisation, flashbacks and other issues to name but a few.
Although this may sound horrendous there is hope and recovery. It took a while before I found a psychologist who had the skills to help and guide me through to an achievable and stable recovery. The first year was about crisis management and then another year was trying to find a psychologist who didn’t want to use me as a case study or one who had the skills not to get emotionally involved. Once this was achieved the road to recovery began. The path that worked for me was the three stepping stones approach. This is when you deal with each issue separately and use this method of, Acknowledgement, Acceptance, Responsibility.
To explain this method first you have to acknowledge that the events took place. This sounds straight forward but it is the first and hardest step. For years I was told it never happened or I had a vivid imagination. Then accepting; it happened and nothing is ever going to change that. Responsibility, this is like using the word recovery in mental health. It is not suggesting that it was your fault that these events happened but it is asking what am I going to do now? To take responsibility of my life and the direction it is heading.
Recovery does not happen overnight or because you received mental health assistance for a period of time. My recovery journey came in stages, I found that I could cope with daily life but was still putting myself in a situation that enabled me to experience revictimization. It took another four years until I came to place in my life where I felt that I had made a full recovery. The common dominator that I found to aid recovery was self-worth. It did not matter what mental health issue I was dealing with and working through, it was like self-worth was the conner stone that enabled me to achieve my goals. Gaining self-worth is not easy and takes hard work. Putting yourself first feels selfish and against everything I knew. But by learning that looking after myself first, I then had the strength to help others. I became aware of the choices I was making and knew that I could change my direction and I could live a life full of hope and joy. My turning point was when I had the strength to say No. I took responsibility and changed the direction of my life. This was only achieved by believing in myself and having the determination to make life choices to improve my well-being.
My transitioning journey (transgender) has been one full of adventure and self-discovery. I couldn’t have transitioned without dealing with my past. Changing gender does not change who you are, accepting my past life and acknowledging it has made me who I am. For me changing gender was my missing link to aid a full recovery. I am looking at each event in my life as an adventure good or bad. From living below the poverty line to changing my career, I now have a future and this time I am in control and loving every adventure. I enjoy life and I am thankful for the support I received to enable me to get to this part of my life.
I still have mental health issues they will never go away but now I have the tools to cope with them. I turn the negative feelings into positives, by looking at it from a different way. I feel like this today; but look how I turned it around and I overcame that feeling and use it for something positive.
Living with mental health issues is not easy but it can be another way of living. I find that I look at things differently to others, I solve problems in way others never think of doing. I also look for potential problems and divert or make plans to overcome them if they should arise. I cope with change and look for another way to achieve the goal. My life priorities seem left of field to others but to me they seem perfect. I have lived of life of darkness and now I live with hope and joy and so I never see a problem, I see it as challenge!
The positives that I have gained through my recovery journey are; empathy and an understanding of people who have experienced complex trauma, trauma from natural events, or events created by others, and a vast range of mental health issues. I know the feeling of fear and the emotions that are felt on a recovery journey. I know how hard it is to express your feelings to others. I was trying to ask for help but not able to communicate the problems because I didn’t understand what, or why I felt the way I did. I know how it feels once you have found your recovery and the joy that can be had from living a life that works for you. I do not have the magic cure but I do know that a person can find a recovery that works for them.
There is always hope, you just have to dig deep to find it. In 2021 I became a Cert4 Mental Health Peer worker. So, it just shows you can achieve anything you wish to.
Take care and thank you for reading this story, if it inspires you or you can relate to some of it, then great. This is my journey of recovery and I hope you take the first steps to find yours.